Tuesday, May 29, 2012

life (lahyf) | things i'm afraid to tell you

Life is what it is.  If someone said that they lived their life everyday in perfection, I would be the first to call BS!  What I've learned, especially from blogging, is that even the people you admire from afar have their own personal issues that they need to overcome and honestly that's one of the best parts about blogging.  Back in March, Jess from Make Under My Life created this post listing out the things that she was afraid to tell people.  Since then it's become a movement and many other bloggers have taken her courage as inspiration to follow in her footsteps...I being one of them. 


I battle with my own issues each and every day.  Even though I try to play the game of life as cool as a cucumber, I'm much more of an insecure person than I let others know.  So here are the things that linger my mind constantly that I'm afraid to tell you:
  • Not a day goes by where I don't wish I was skinnier.  To this day the thing that haunts me the most is when my dad made a joke about my weight at a young age.  We were at a family gathering and someone asked if I liked seafood.  He said, "Yes - every time she sees food, she eats it."  At a very young age I always struggled with my weight.  Unfortunately, my weight has been and will always be my biggest demon.  I've learned to overcome a lot when it comes to my weight, but I feel like I'll never be happy even if I reach amazing goals.  My weight is my ultimate imperfection.
  • I fear I'm going to be horrible mother.  I'm so excited about the arrival of our little boy, probably more than I thought I would be, but everyday I worry about my capabilities of being an adequate mother.  On the day I have doubts, that's when I feel so lucky to have my husband because I have him to lean on and I know he'll be a wonderful dad.
  • I wish I had more money.  Envy is the worst deadly sin possible and one I wish didn't affect me, but it does - especially when it comes to people who have more money.  Reading other fashion blogs, sometimes it's hard to not wish I had the same luxuries that others do, but I constantly have to remind myself that I am wealthy when it comes to life in so many other ways.  
  • I'll always be happy, but never satisfied.  I've always been that person who applies my mind to something if I want it badly enough.  I find a way to achieve the goals I set, but even when I achieve them it's temporary satisfaction and happiness...sadly it is never be enough.  I'll always challenge myself to "do better" with everything (blogging, career, extra curricular activities, etc), when in reality what I'm doing is probably more than enough.
  • I pay it forward because I believe in karma.  I'm a "lucky" person.  Ask my friend Leah and she'll tell you that luck just hits me at the most random times.  Whether it's scoring a pair of designer jeans at an extremely low (mis-marked) price, not being charged for a bag of chips at Chipotle or winning a sweepstakes - I've been very (very) fortunate.  So fortunate that I always make sure to give it back in another way.  Yesterday I was charged $.59 for a bag of cherries that was supposed to cost $5.99, so I gave a homeless man outside the store the $5 I would have spent on the cherries.
  • My life is a constant work in progress.  This is my mantra.  Whenever I have an off day or I feel a little down I remind myself that nothing  is set in stone - that I have more control than I'd like to think and that the only person that holds me back from being a better me, is myself.
|Do you have things you're afraid to tell people?  Do you find that reading other people's confessions help you feel better about your own fears?|

7 comments:

Tanvi said...

I think we all have these common fears!

∞ © tanvii.com ∞

Sandy Caribou said...

Tabitha,

Thank you SO MUCH for writing this. It means so much to me when bloggers really open up and share what's truly on their mind. Their fears, and hopes, and dreams.

You inspired me to write my own!! http://www.edieandandy.com/2012/05/things-im-afraid-to-tell-you.html

Links to you and Tieka for posting such emotional and honest things on the Internet.

xoxo AND GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING. I admire you more than you probably know!!

KRISTY said...

YOU ARE GOING TO BE A GREAT AND FASHIONABLE MOM! :) I also believe in karma and I truly admire you for what you did with that $5 :)

www.monochromachic.com

caffeinerd said...

Thanks for sharing yours, lady! I've been debating participating because I enjoy reading these posts so much. I know comments like this aren't the point of your post---but I think you're gorgeous and will be an incredible mom (seems very natural to worry about it, though!). I feel the envy, too. I'm mostly comfortable having chosen a career path where I feel I'm making a difference...but don't make a whole lot of money. But, admittedly, knowing its only 1 income now for the foreseeable future has led me to envy others a bit more. Anywho, enough blabbering---thinks for sharing!

CCG said...

you my dear are amazing...words can't express how great this is, i wish i could write/verbalize these things as eloquently as you!

xoxo
cg

Hillary said...

I feel the same way as you on all of those issues. It's good to know that we have our little fears. It makes us human. BTW, I think you are going to be a wonderful mother!

Samantha said...

Thanks for sharing these Tabitha. I think a lot of us share the same fears. You are going to be a wonderful mother, and you are so brave for this post! :)

xo, sam